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I want music. Some philosopher guy once said that life wouldn't be half as worth living without music. That little 'ol iPod's looking pretty empty so allow me to be a little more specific. Sarah Mclachlan: Anything but Mirrorball and Surfacing Norah Jones: Anything but Come Away With Me and Feels Like Home Van Morrison: Moondance Damien Rice: O Anthony Stewart Head: Music for Elevators (I doubt anyone in Kingwood owns this CD) Kristin Chenoweth: Let Yourself Go Soundtracks: Solaris Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind You're a Good Man Charlie Brown Any Stephen Schwartz musical (Besides Wicked, Godspell, Prince of Egypt and Children of Eden) Vanilla Sky Garden State Those are the only specifics I can think of right now. Anything that you might think is incredibly awesome is fine.

Christmas came and went. And it snowed. Yay. I saw a movie tonight and for the first time in the last three times I visited our crappy little Deerbrook cineplex I didn't feel cheated out of my money. I saw a movie called Spanglish. It wasn't pretentious. It wasn't stupid. It didn't rely on vulgarity to be funny. It was quite simply a good movie. Possibly great. It was Spanglish and the W&D title goes to Mr. James L. Brooks who directed one of my all time faves, As Good As It Gets. Adam Sandler is so much better when he's not trying to gross you out or be completely stupid. It was refreshing. They gave us characters that I cared about and it was entertaining. It captivated me for as long as it had my attention and isn't that exactly what a movie's supposed to do? I got an iPod for our very Merry 25th. It's a 40 Gigger so I'm in the process of searching for things that will fill it right up. If you have any CDs that you'd be willing to allow me to borrow that would be nice. I've already ripped every Sports Night and West Wing episode I have into MP3 format so I can fall asleep to the beautiful sounds of Sorkin sung through the intruments of Janney and Lowe and Huffman and Sheen and Krause and Malina and Whitford and Lloyd and more. Drop me a line if you would be so kind as to loan out your CDs to me.

And so it begins

It's Christmas Eve. It's Christmas Eve and now's the time we reflect upon our lives, our friendships, our relationships and all the other crap we fool ourselves into believing is important. But we don't get to decide what's important. Some of us tend to use gifts as a barometer of friendships and when we don't receive any we tend to get on the downer side of the holiday season. Some of us reflect on our lives and ultimately concede that we don't really have anything worth having. Some of us just suffer from the inevitable melancholy that comes with unrequited loves. That's some of us. But really, not to get all Dr. Phil or Deepak Chopra (Those are two guys who'd have quite the time together) on anybody, but would anyone here admit that in almost everything you'll seem to find, the core of it is usually love? I mean, I'm just guessing. I'm pretty drunk. A lot of the times during the holiday season it does in fact come down to love and it usually determines the state of one's spirit in that time. I could use this LJ as a platform and tell you what my current spirit is, but it'd freak half of you out and confuse the other half. Take that as you wish. I mean, you come to the end of a day, you think you know what's what and BAM, you're going three rounds in the ring with God again because he wants to mess around with you just a little bit more. Sometimes I get very confused and sad when I can't figure what my place here is. I don't know whether or not I'm talking about the grand scale of human experience or the temporary right now of life but either way I'm not 100% sure what my place is. And that's why I don't like thinking about all of this too much, because when I do, I want to die. That's a small fraction of the time though. The other 7/8ths are....well some of those times are rather death-wishy as well. Much of the time I can't identify the trigger. But sometimes I can, and when I can it's usually the girls. Yeah. It's the girls. The girls do it to me. I know it sounds really softy and weak and stupid but it's true. When I can identify the trigger it's usually the girls. When I see any kind of vision of a girl that just might inspire to say to myself "I want" I usually get those types of feelings. I'll find something in someone, maybe someone I've known for a long time, and I'll say to myself "That's beautiful. You're beautiful" and yeah, I'll just wanna die (I'm not calling myself beautiful there if there was any confusion). And I think that, again, I think that roots from the low self respect issue again. I'll say "I want that. There's no way on God's green earth that I'm gonna come close to anything near that" Why? Because I'm me. And let me clarify when I say "I want that" so I don't come off as stalkery or anything. A lot of times it's not even girl specific. Sometimes it's just in the abstract "You're beautiful" that I get myself lost in. I don't know. Another thing that's hard is trying to figure out who's world you're a part of (or apart of in some cases). Where exactly do you fall in anybody's circle of friends? Are you a part of anyone's circle of friends? Who are you important to? Who's important to you? I constantly find myself within relationships of unequivocal affections and it's not fun either way. It'd be easier if someone were to give me a diagram with lines and arrows telling me what's what and who trusts me and who I can trust. If anyone reading this has a diagram.... Wow, this has progressed from thoughtful to depressing to sad to self-indulgent to desperate. I sincerely apologize for potentially wasting your time. I'll give you a refund. Well, maybe not a refund. I'll give you like, five bucks or something. Well, three bucks. I'll give you three bucks if you think I wasted your time. I think 3 bucks is fair. "C.J. They beat women, Nancy. They hate women. The only reason they keep Qumari women alive is to make more Qumari men. NANCY So what do you want me to do about it? C.J. How about instead of suggesting that we sell the guns to them, suggesting that we shoot the guns at them? And by the way, not to change the subject, but how are we supposed to have any moral credibility when we talk about gun control and making sure that guns don't get in the hands of the wrong people? God, Nancy! What the hell are we defining as the right people?"

So I had a pretty good day today. You know what, I'm not the biggest Andrew Lloyd Webber fan in the history of modern musical theatre but Phantom wasn't all that terrible. In some respects, a lot of respects really, it was relentless and droning but you gotta applaud the effort. The ALW style of musical theatre, not so much my cup of tea. I'm more of a Stephen Schwartz man myself (Godspell, Children of Eden, Wicked). But it was a good movie. Worth the $6.50. Meet the Fockers, on the other hand, was a charmless wasteland of a moneymaker of a movie. Jay Roach apparently came from the film school from which they teach "SEX = FUNNY" Yeah. Not really Jay. What we as the audience were left with was a tacky, tasteless, senseless piece of crap. I can't even begin to tell you how unimpressed I was with a three year old repeatedly using the word "asshole". And other than that, you know something's wrong with a movie when Barbra Streistand's the only one in the movie who's not insane. Save your $6.50 on this one. Something about LJs make me excited. Something about the free exchange of ideas gets me a tad bit pumped. We're in a plural society. That means we accept more than one idea. As of lately, however, I've been hard pressed to come up with any compelling ideas. I'm not entirely sure if I should go seeking the good ideas or let the good ideas find me. Either way, I'm bone dry right now. Well not bone dry. I've got a couple, but none that are entirely suitable to be typed in this entry (Take that as you may). I spent about 90% of the day with theater people. Some us laughed, some of us cried. None of it was terribly momentous or important but it was memorable. What's my point? I'm just saying, I had a pretty good day. "I feel like a freeloader sometimes, leaving the good ideas up to other people. I feel like I'm standing on the shoulders of generations past."

I've decided not to give you the "So I went to the dentist and he said I should brush more. Then Brian started choking on a pretzel and we all had some laughs" kind of laundry list of my day. I'm trying to here to note only that which I believe to be worth noting. Having a platform from which to have the ear of anyone that's willing to listen, what could be greater than that? I don't want to waste that. So I'll try to keep this as interesting as possible. "Quo Vadimus"

There was this series of moments a couple of days ago. There was something I wanted to do. Okay, I'm cutting the crap. I was in a situation in which I could've been the man. I could've been the rock if you will. Someone needed something and I could've given it to them and, make no mistake, wanted to without question give it to them. I instead, got some chickenass doubt instilled within me from a low self-esteem and stayed on the sidelines. What's my point? All I'm saying is that I'm gonna regret that moment for a while. And I just realized that I didn't completely cut the crap. "I don't handle rejection well. Funny, considering all the practice I've had"

So I found an icon that was most visually pleasing to myself. Not so much to everyone else. I'll never understand what makes people repulsed by the hottest of them all, Claudia Jean, or more commonly known C.J., Cregg. I myself can't fully explain my attraction to her other than the fact that she's the hottest thing ever. Maybe not ever as I haven't seen and heard everything ever. When most people challenge why I think she's hot by saying she's...not, I usually revert to the "different kinds of hot" speech. There are different kinds of hot. And while by and large I think tossing around the word hot as far as women are concerned is rather, I don't how to say thing without sounding girly. Most of the time I think tossing around the word hot as far as girls are concerning is rather objectifying. I mean, it sounds like you're describing the August issue centerfold. That's just me. But when it comes to C.J., she kinda owns that word, makes it cry uncle and tell his momma about it...so to speak. She was once described as the thinking man's pinup. Not to suggest that I'm so awesomely smart or anything but it's definitely a fitting term. The quote of the entry is sarcastic if you couldn't tell. Donna: Why are you a Republican? Cliff: Because I hate poor people. I hate them, Donna. They're all so poor. And many of them talk funny and don't have proper table manners. My father slaved away at the Fortune 500 company he inherited so that I could go to Choate, Brown and Harvard, and see that this country isn't overrun by poor people and lesbians.

"The boys don't like me" (Quote, not a thought of my own)

I constantly find that my friends have really low self-esteem. I do too but it's different. Their's is undeservedly so. Sometimes I wonder whether they're giving me the "the boys don't like me/the girls just don't go for me" for a little sympathy. To all of you out there who think I'm talking about you, start giving yourself a little more credit. To the ones that are just plain ugly and stupid, go somewhere and die. Of course that was a joke. Little joke there. That was me bringing the funny the best I could which I've been having trouble doing as of recently. I'm talking originally funny. Not some rip-off of a joke I heard in the ConeZone or something. I really like writing that undermines the moment. A sudden jolt from the drama to the funny or vice versa. Both are immensely effective when done right and show that the writer can be rather fearless when he wants to. I tell you this because I know you woke this morning saying "Man, I wish I knew what kind of writing Greg likes!" "I don't remember having to explain to Italians that our problem wasn't with them, but with Mussolini! Why does the U.S. have to take every Arab country out for an ice cream cone? They'll like us when we win!"

My third

You know something? I kind of like feeling devastation. I don't know why. And just to be clear, I'm not talking like "Wow! Thousands of people died! I love it!". I'm talking the smaller little devastations. The unspokens. I don't know. Something about it is just compellingly beautiful. And now as I look back upon that which I just typed I realize that I am, in fact, a woman. I did however see Singin' in the Rain at TUTS. It was really good with the exception of a couple of crappy actors. The lead, while certainly with the voice and the mad dancing skills, was very wooden in his acting. No reaction to what other people were saying. The little guy who did Cosmo was fantastic though. Randy Rogel his name was. Composed some of my favorite songs from the Animaniacs show. He had some mad mad skills with the dancing and the singing and the acting chops. Man, I love that little guy....not that I don't like girls HAHAHAHA!!.....(I'm getting the noose ready) "Descisions are made by those who show up"

My second

I should however add that the post party party brought the fun and the funny. BlackJack was probably the greatest IHOP waiter in the history of the International House of Pancakes' existence. Man that guy was awesome. Dano's got a nice pad too but Jared's was the ultimate. Man I love that guy.......not that I don't like girls heheheh.........(I'm gonna blow my brains out) "If you're stupid, surround yourself with smart people. If you're smart, surround yourself with smart people who disagree with you. "

My first

So this is my first little entry into the 'ol LJ. I suppose it's not so old. It's new to me. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! This is the same kind of crap you're gonna get if you keep reading (which you're going to or I'll kill you in your sleep). I found LJs in general to be suited towards the self-serving, self-loathing, self-centered, desperate, chain-smokin', mumu-wearin', freaks. And that's when I realized it'd be perfect for myself. So here I am. It's been about 24 hours since the drama-rama fest that was Dekwanukmas. Ah the memories. Fake asthma attacks, nearly-killed freshmen, pissed-off...well, everyone. We'll all remember that night as one of the nights that divided and united in different ways. I don't exactly know what the crap happened so I'm not taking sides yet. Anyone who wants to fully inform me from both POVs can feel free to do so. But I don't suppose anyone would because I'm me. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! (I'm gonna kill myself) I will however say this: No matter how much we get all "Well golleee! I just hate drama so much!", we really don't. We revel in drama whether we admit it or not. I think that might be on account of the fact that perhaps one feels alive at the time. They're feeling something at least. They certainly don't feel dead. It's like being a part of a Monday morning watercooler situation that gives us a sense of self-importance whether it's justified or not. So now that I've offended at least six of you, I'm done for now. If you could stand to read the above then you are one of four types of people: 1. You're reading it out of pity: "Awww. He has a live journal. He must think people like him. What an idiot" 2. You're bored out of your freaking mind: "Well, let's see what the crap that Greg guy's thinking. What an idiot" 3. You heard I posted something offensive and want to check it out for yourself: "He said whaaa?! What an idiot" 4. You're reading it to entertain yourself: " You mean, Greg actually thinks he has opinions about stuff and that they actually matter to anyone but himself?! Bwahahahaha! Stupid Greg. What an idiot" I defy you to fall into a category not listed here. My current music by the way is amazingly fitting. It's a bitter, cynical, sarcastic look at a friendship(?) that used to be and now is incredibly not. The best part is the title which may very well be the anthem for many of you out there. I leave you now with the quote of the entry: "What's next?"