The first time

For some ego-maniacal reason, it would appear that I got a thing for people of my own...color. When I pass them on campus sidewalks I give them the power sign, it doesn't usually work out. Maybe it's just a component of a terribly unhealthy, psycho-sexual hero projection ("Brunettes are fine, and blonds are fun...) or maybe I'm just projecting what I think are the best things about myself onto others in a stunning display of masturbatory arrogance or maybe I really do have that narrow a view of the landscape. I will be graduating from UT in Fall '09 or Spring '10, most likely Fall '09. This makes me feel numb and small, but also large and alive. Paradox is my middle name, and it's also NOT my middle name. I forgot what being nervous felt like (it feels good. It's when I'm most comfortable not being in control). Steve Carell and Amy Ryan WORK. Jim and Pam....no. Stop. You're not real.