"I'm not really a horse, I'm a broom"

Have I mentioned how stifling LJs are? Yes, I'm aware of the whole "It makes us all braver" mantra but sometimes it's as annoying as a Greg. Like, your mind is full but you can only let the stuff that leaks out be revealed. There are so many things I'm thinking to say and would like to say and should be said and need to be said. But it would upset people or disturb people or piss 'em off or really worry them. I have some pretty mean things to say too. Mostly about me and some about others. Actually, I could really whip it out with others but I can't. It's public. It's out there on the internet cyberspace written down somewhere. You can't really do that. You don't even know how much I'm coveting one moment of pure honesty. You get some of those once a blue moon. Most honesty is either tainted with misjudgment or veiled in symbolism and cryptic language. And when truth is actually laid out, for some reason it's really shocking and disturbing. Probably because it's so scarce. It's like wading through a sea of really cheap mardi-grasesque jewelry for miles and suddenly finding an actual honest-to-God diamond. It's difficult to handle. I don't want to paraphrase Sorkin here or anything... And it's so subject to the individual's judgment. For instance, if I were to say: "I honestly believe that I have no place in theatre and I'm best used as the punching bag. I've invested so much into this thing that it's kinda unfun to realize that it never wanted me in the first place. I believe that most things and people I come in contact with are somehow less good than they were before I did. I don't think I have an identity and instead I cling onto the remnants of those around me because I'm not smart enough to make myself something. I don't have the courage to stand up for that in which I believe and the smarts to believe in anything of substance. I consider myself to be a failure and disappointment to those that know me well enough to enough. I believe that the UIL One-Act would function better without my involvement and I don't believe that if I died tomorrow it would affect anything in the big picture negatively." People would freak out. First off, they'd think I was some friendless batshit crazy emo kid who doesn't have anyone close enough to them to confide in. Or perhaps they would believe I was just insanely desperate and starved for attention enough to concoct a totally bogus little emotional vent to draw attention to myself and make people concerned. Or some would simply write me off as another of the pathetic bastards and, while slightly miffed that I'm smart enough to realize it, would agree. But that's just truth for you. Tricky little demon.